# 451 The Proverbs – ‘A manual for living’ (MSG). Proverbs 18 (3) Husbands and wives.

In August this year, my wife and I (no, not the happy couple in the photo) will celebrate 50 years of marriage. According to tradition this is our “golden wedding anniversary”, and, so the story goes, “The celebration of wedding anniversaries dates back to Roman times when husbands gave their wives a silver wreath for 25 years of marriage, and a gold wreath for 50 years.” https://www.caketoppers.co.uk  I wonder where I can find a gold wreath?

Certainly, a happy and fulfilling marriage relationship is a win-win all round. A win for the couple, a win for their offspring, and a win for their community. Just think about the things that are lost when a marriage breaks down, and you will understand what I mean.

Proverbs has a few things to say about marriage (written specifically to sons, hence the mention of a wife) and the first we will consider is in Chapter 18:22 as follows:

He who finds a wife finds what is good
    and receives favor from the Lord.

Finding the right person to be your life partner can be a challenge. In our world there are various ways to do this. In eastern and some Asian cultures this is still the job of the parents (as it was when Proverbs was written). I did offer this service to my children when we returned from Pakistan, but they graciously said, no thanks dad! Then there is the internet, and I have met some people who met on internet dating sites. Then there is the way most go about it, i.e., trust to meet someone during the normal everyday activities of their lives. For my wife and I, that was at a church where we both attended.

As followers of Jesus, does the Bible give any advice who to look for? Yes, for example, speaking of a widow who would like to remarry, Paul says:

³⁹ A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:39 NIV)

And then later:

Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?  (2 Corinthians 6:14 NLT)

Keller comments: “First, look for a fellow believer [see above verses]. If the fear of the Lord is the very foundation of a wise understanding of reality, how could you look for anything but another Christian?” (# 51)

Then consider the following as what to look for in this Christian:

²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23)

Keller continues: “look for a person of such spiritual character that it evokes your admiration and praise. The fruit of the Spirit in their lives [see above] should be a thing of beauty.” (# 51)

Then at all times in our lives it’s always good to get advice from wise trusted family and/or friends. As Keller suggests, “If you are listening only to your heart and not to advice, you have left the path of wisdom.” (# 51) 

When we get to Chapter 31:10-31 we shall consider more deeply the wife of noble character, who is described as follows:

A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.

That’s something to look forward to!

But until then, a few warnings from Proverbs about what can happen in an unhappy marriage and home and what to avoid, if possible.

A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown,
    but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.  (12:4)

And of course, both true for a noble husband or a disgraceful husband as well.

Better to live on a corner of the roof
    than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. (21:9)

Better to live in a desert
    than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife. (21:19)

Keller says: “A spouse is to be a crown [see 12:4 above] who builds up, but nagging tears down. A marriage is supposed to be a haven of rest and shelter from the world, but the attack of nagging makes you feel you have no roof or walls around you, no real home, no shelter from life’s storms.” (# 51)

If you are already married, remember that “A spouse should edify, build up the other. Indeed, your spouse has the power to make or break your dignity, confidence and sense of self…do you and your spouse build each other up or more often criticize?” (# 51)

Father, to those unmarried, give them grace to live for you as a single person. If they are seeking a spouse, grant them your wisdom and discernment from above (and from family/friends) to make the right decision. If already married, may they love and cherish each other, in good times and hard times, whether rich or poor, in sickness or health, and may they brings him/her good, not harm, all the days of her/his life. Amen.