Proverbs have lots to say to young people but also to their parents. The challenge with parenting is that we are all different and all our children are different. The differences in us include our personalities, our parenting skills and our backgrounds, i.e., how our parents parented us, etc. The differences in our children are their personalities and abilities to adapt and change for the good as they grow older.
Parenting is a challenge that needs the ultimate “parent” to help us, i.e., God, the Father of mankind, or we may fail miserably! And we need to hear what He has to say concerning us all as human beings. For example: There is no difference between Jew and Gentile [or parent and child], for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:22-23). And also, we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28) Always remembering, God is for us (Romans 8:32), even far more that we are for our children!
Now let’s consider what other advice is given in Proverbs. Some of it may be controversial in our world today, but there is still much truth in the principles taught.
In this chapter:
15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,
but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.
Keller comments: “Many assume that children are naturally innocent and pure, and that only society teaches us to hate [among other negatives attitudes] … [in reality] children are naturally self-centred, they don’t understand how other people feel, and they don’t know how their behaviour will affect others – all of these basic things must be taught.” (# 51)
We need to be aware of “the potential for folly and evil that every child’s heart contains… the rod of discipline is not necessarily corporal punishment, but it is punishment – real consequences with teeth in them. If sin and folly are deep in every child’s heart, it will take more that words to root them out.” (# 51)
Although this “view of human nature and child rearing is radically counter-cultural” (# 51) in our day, it is the teaching of the Proverbs (and the Bible generally) and, when considered seriously, it makes sense considering the world we live in.
Some other verses in Proverbs are:
My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline,
and do not resent his rebuke,
12 because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
as a father the son he delights in. (3:11-12)
God delights in us and loves us, therefore he disciplines us! His desire is for us to become the people He desires us to be – loving Him and loving others. In the same way we are to discipline our children, to teach them the right way to go, and the right things to do.
Discipline your children, for in that there is hope;
do not be a willing party to their death. (19:18)
We all need boundaries in our lives, and no less our children who lack the necessary experience and maturity to make good choices that bring hope and safety and blessing instead of death, whether it be due to physical or emotional harm, and sadly there are many others in our world happy to lead them on the path of destruction.
A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom,
but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother. (29:15)
We certainly desire that our children learn wisdom in life and although this is not only through discipline (thankfully) and is not left entirely up to us as parents (thankfully), we do have our role. Ultimately wisdom is a gift of God as we seek him. Now Proverbs could be seen to encourage “child abuse” in the use of the “rod”, but this is far from true as Keller suggests when he says, “The entirety of the book of Proverbs implicitly condemns the harsh disciplinarian by its entire tone, that is, ‘by its own reasonable approach , its affectionate earnestness’, and by the warmth and love that comes out of the parents’ addresses.” (# 51 – quoting Kidner).
Children’s children are a crown to the aged,
and parents are the pride of their children. (17:6)
It is a challenge to be a parent but also a great joy, and what substitute is there for a family who loves one another and supports each one in need. And then what a privilege and joy to be a grandparent to your children’s children! The great part is that we can just enjoy them and pray for them and the job of disciplining them is now not ours!
May, God give us the grace to be such a blessing to our children (even if we need to discipline them sometimes) that eventually they will be proud to acknowledge us as their parents in front of their friends.
And so back to the verse we discussed last time:
6 Start children off on the way they should go,
and even when they are old they will not turn from it.
Worship and Wisdom - Psalms and Proverbs 